The Little Green Monster

No, I’m not talking about the smoothie.

I’m talking about jealousy. The kind that comes wanting things that you can’t have. Where you are jealous of others for their blessings or their accomplishments. Where every post or tweet makes you feel inadequate.

In the spirit of keepin’ it real, I feel I should tell you I am very prone to fits of envy. I find myself wishing for things other people have a great deal. I try to “keep up with the Joneses” when I have no business doing so. I beat up on myself about my looks/weight/belongings/house/abilities because I’m constantly comparing myself/my life to the lives I see depicted on blogs.

It pains me to admit this, because I really want to be this pure, selfless person. But I’m not. And I’m willing to bet that if you are honest with yourself, sometimes you are not either.

Twitter has been both a blessing and curse for me. On one hand, I’ve made incredible friends and gotten so much support and advice from those people. On the other hand, Twitter gives me instant, detailed access to other people’s lives. I see people tweeting about something that is fabulous-must have-can’t live without it and I want it now now now. (Cough *erincondrenplanner* Cough) I want to be one of the cool kids who has the it planner, the designer shoes, or even the feather hair extensions. (Which I did not get. But I felt very uncool for passing on this trend because according to Twitter, all the cool moms were doing it.)

I subscribe to a great many craft/home improvement blogs. One on hand, I love the inspiration I get from these bloggers. It inspires me to see crafts done on a small budget or with items I probably already have lying around my house. On the other hand, I feel inadequate because my crafts don’t look like that and I could only dream of doing home improvement projects on my own.

I see pristine, perfect, beautifully decorated homes and I know these bloggers have kids. I find myself wondering '”why doesn’t my house look like that?” I see bloggers who dress impeccably and are always so well put together, and I feel jealous because I look like a hot mess 99% of the time. Why can’t I have her hair/her figure/her perfect skin? I hear about shopping sprees, Jimmy Choo shoes, Tory Burch revas, or Louis Vuitton purses and I want to have those things. And I find myself asking “how come they have all this money and I do not?”

One of my blog friends recently had a birthday, and so many people wished her Happy Birthday and sent her gifts. And I was jealous because I didn’t get that attention on my birthday. Do people not love me? (That was my train of thought.)

I know – it is awful. I hate that I feel this way, and it is something I struggle with every day. This is one way Satan works in my life to make me feel like I’m not good enough. He doesn’t want me to focus on what I am blessed with… he wants me to focus on what I don’t have instead.

One thing I’ve learned from blogging is that it is far to easy to compare yourself to the depiction of life you see on someone’s blog. No one is perfect. No one posts the pictures of their house, strewn with 10,000 toys from an afternoon of toddler mayhem. You don’t see dishes piled in the sink or the fashion blogger in her sweats. You don’t know anything about so-and-so’s finances.

I’ve always had a policy of being real on my blog, but that isn’t for everyone. Let me rephrase – my kind of real isn’t for everyone. Not everyone wants to post about their struggles or the arguments they have with their spouse. Some people purposely try to keep their blogs positive and upbeat because those are the things they want to look back on in the future when they read their blog.

In case you have ever felt this way when you have read my blog (which I don’t see how anyone would ever be envious of me!), let me assure you my life is not perfect. Right now I am in my MC Hammer pajama pants and the remnants of my makeup are smudged under my eyes. There is a dirty diaper on my coffee table that needs to be taken out to the trash can. I have dishes in my sink. My floor hasn’t been mopped in a week and I won’t even tell you how much laundry I have to do. My husband and I are arguing right now, and I’m pretty sure my toddler is counting down the days until he turns 18 and can move away from his helicopter mommy.

My life isn’t perfect, but neither is anyone else’s. That’s what I need to remember when I have these feelings. My life is perfect in its own way, and so-and-so’s life is perfect for them. It’s pointless to compare ourselves to one another because we all have unique gifts and situations.

How about you – do you ever struggle with jealousy? Has blogging/Twitter/Facebook ever caused you to feel inadequate? How do you deal with those feelings when they happen?