I’ve hesitated to talk about this here on my blog, but when a reader recently asked me about my experience getting pregnant I decided it was time.


(Note: this may be TMI for some of you. If you don’t want to hear about TTC, sex, or have no interest in pregnancy, please move on. If you are trying to get pregnant or want to get pregnant in the future, this information may be of interest to you.)

The reason I haven’t wanted to broach this subject on my blog is because I worried I would sound insensitive or that it would be hurtful to those who struggle to get pregnant. Please understand before you read this – that is not my intention. This is simply my story of my journey to pregnancy. I know there are so many of you out there that do struggle with infertility and miscarriages. I have not experienced that myself, but I feel so much empathy for you. I cannot understand what you must go through, but my prayers are with you all in your journey. If you’d like to share your name and story, I will be certain to lift you up specifically in prayer.

I’ve shared before that Jason and I were never on the same page about when to have children. We got married in 2003, and I *thought* I was ready then. He was not. Throughout the years I went back in forth with “are we ready?” and “can we handle this?” and for whatever reason, the answer was always no. Jason, as most of you know, was active duty in the Navy, and was deployed for a good portion of our married life. He did not want to have a baby while he was on sea duty and risk missing portions of our child’s development due to deployments. I could understand that, so we agreed to postpone baby making until he was sent to a shore command with no risk of deployments.

We moved to Charleston in 2008, and it should have been the perfect time to have a baby. At this point, I was not ready. I kept pushing it off because I was scared, honestly. I was worried about money. Could we afford a child? I was worried about my ability to be a good mother. I was selfish, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to give up “me” time to have my life become all about baby.

I would probably still be pushing it off if it weren’t for Jason. To me, there was always another reason to wait. “Let’s wait until we take that big vacation.” “Let’s wait until we get XXX paid off.” “Let’s wait until I turn 30.” And so on and so forth…

In April of 2009, my uncle died. We went home for the funeral, and Jason and I spent the majority of our time at home taking care of my cousin’s 5 month old child. I forced Jason to hold her just because I wanted to see how he would react, and he was smitten. He was a natural with Mari Claire. It wasn’t more than 2 days after we got home that he said “I’m ready to have a baby.”

For me, that was the time. In the back of my mind I always knew I could handle a child. I’ve been around children my whole life and I (thought I) knew what having a baby entailed. My husband did not, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure if he was emotionally ready to have a child. I knew when he made that statement that he had thought things through and he was truly ready.

So, we started actively trying in May 2009. I was not taking birth control at the time, so that was not a concern. For the previous year, I had been keeping stringent records on when my periods occurred, so I was fairly in tune with my body. I used the website Fertility Friend to track the days I ovulated, and I really think this was the reason I got pregnant as quickly as I did.

Listen, y’all – it is hard to get pregnant. I spent my teens thinking you could get pregnant when you sneezed, only to realize as an adult that it is harder than it seems. I think a lot of people think they will come off birth control, have sex like bunnies, and get pregnant. It does work for some, but not for everyone. There are a finite number of days of the month when you are fertile. If you don’t have sex on those days, you don’t get pregnant. Period. (And even then, it isn’t as simple as just having sex on your fertile days.)

There are a number of ways you can track your fertility. I won’t go into the specifics here, but Fertility Friend is a great resource. I also recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. I, personally, charted my temps and examined my cervical mucus. Yes, it is gross. But it is also a great indicator of ovulation. I kept a thermometer by my bed, and before I got out of bed each morning I took my temp (orally – I was shocked to learn some take it vaginally.) I would enter the information in my Blackberry, and input it into Fertility Friend later that day. Same with my CM – I would take note when I saw it and input it into the computer later that day.

Jason and I had sex every other day. I made sure we had sex on my days of ovulation. I tested on May 25th and got a faint pink line. I tested the next morning and got a definite positive. The weekend before I tested I was absolutely exhausted. I feel asleep during a car ride and even slept through a movie we went to see in the movie theatre. Looking back, I know that was an early sign.

I think knowing whether or not you are ready is so personal. For us, it made sense to wait until we were older. (I was 2 weeks from turning 31 when I had Cooper.) It does feel odd sometimes to be an “older mom” when I see kids Cooper’s age with moms that are 10 years younger than me. I will be almost 50 when he graduates high school. Still, I think it was the right thing for us. We were financially ready and had plenty of time together as a couple.

I will say this – I both agree & disagree with the statement that “you are never 100% ready to have a child.” I think there is never any way you will be 100% ready. There will always be one more goal to accomplish, one more bill to pay, more weight you want to lose… HOWEVER, I think you need to make sure you are both financially and emotionally ready to have a child. Don’t have a child thinking your husband will change or “man up” once the baby is here. He won’t. Don’t say “we’ll make it work” when you don’t have room in your budget for daycare or diapers. Having a baby is expensive, y’all! Make sure you can afford the basic things they need before they arrive.

Questions/thoughts/concerns? I want to hear them.