The Birthday Conundrum

My birthday was January 29th, and I turned 32. It was not a good birthday. I had been battling a sinus infection that week, and during the day on the 28th I had a asthma attack. I used my inhaler, but it never really helped. Even after using it, my chest still hurt and I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath. I ended up in the ER that night, where I received a breathing treatment and was diagnosed with bronchitis. Awesome sauce! I was supposed to meet up with some of my Twitter friends on Saturday. They were in town for a girls weekend, but because I was sick I wasn't able to met them. Anyway, it was a very disappointing birthday for a girl who thinks birthdays should be an event.

I'm not saying this so y'all will shower me with birthday wishes... but I just really want to vent. I know birthdays are different when you grow up and become an adult. We don't really have parties with streamers and balloons. Sometimes we don't get gifts. There isn't always a cake. But I think there should be. Why not? Birthdays are a special day. Why not take that one day to tell your loved one they are special? I think the best gift you can give someone is your attention, time, and love.

Here's something you should know about me. I'm a little high maintenance. Even if you are new to my blog, you probably have deduced this from my comments about wanting comments in yesterday's post. I like to feel special. I like to feel like people like me. I like get to attention. I realize that makes me a wee bit pathetic and needy, but whatever. At least I own up to it.

Growing up, birthdays were an occasion in my family. You had a party. You had a cake. You had friends over. It was one day a year that was completely yours, and you knew you were special. Jason grew up differently. I'm not saying his family didn't celebrate birthdays, but they didn't celebrate in the same way my family celebrated. As a result, he has this lackadaisical attitude about birthdays. It just isn't a big deal for him. He doesn't care about presents. He doesn't have to have a cake. He really isn't interested in a party. It's just another day.

This drives me mad. Crazy! I can respect the fact that he feels that way for himself, but it drives me bonkers that he brings that attitude over to my & Cooper's birthday. It IS a big deal, to me. Those are my feelings and it is something that is important to me. So because it is important to me, shouldn't he make an effort?

Let me explain. Jason isn't the romantic type. (He was when we were dating, but we all know what happens with that, right?) He doesn't buy me flowers just because. He doesn't leave sweet little notes. I don't think he'd even buy me cards for holidays if he thought he could get away with it. We really don't even do gifts for holidays anymore because he just never got into it. If there's something I want for Christmas or my birthday, I usually just tell him I'm buying it for myself because I know he won't take the time to go and get it. Case in point: for my 30th birthday, he said a few weeks prior: "I want to get you something big because it is your 30th." Who ended up ordering her Kindle? Me. Because somehow him getting me something turned into me ordering it for myself. This birthday I didn't even bother telling him what I wanted - I just informed him I planned to get the iPhone4 as a birthday present to myself.

This is an issue every single year. Every single year I tell him that it is important to me, it's something I need him to do, blah blah blah. & every year he just doesn't do it. At Christmas, the absolutely minimum that I'd like him to do for me is fill up my stocking and buy me a Christmas ornament (things that are supposed to be our Christmas traditions). Yet what happened this Christmas, and last? No stocking, and I bought my ornament myself. Y'all, these are simple, inexpensive things! Still he can't find the time/motivation/interest/money/whatever excuse you want to input here.

Anyway, this birthday was a perfect example. On Friday he strolled into the house with my card and tossed it onto the kitchen island. "Do you want to open it?" Um, never present me with a gift and expect me to wait to open it because I never will. To his credit, it was a sweet card. But my "gift" was "order yourself the iPhone and get some apps." Seriously? Way to put some thought and effort into making me feel special, babe.

Let me be clear: I don't need gifts. Gifts are awesome. But I don't need you to spend hundreds of dollars on me. You could buy me something really small, and the fact that you took the time to go to the store and think about what I wanted would mean the world to me. I didn't need Jason to come strolling into the house with a big package. What I did need was proof that he had thought longer than the two seconds it took to pick out a card about what might be special to me. I would have been blown away if my "gift" had been a home cooked meal & a cake.

Dear husband, at minimum on my birthday I expect you to buy/make me a cake. Everyone deserves a cake on their birthday. It's absolutely lazy and thoughtless not to have a cake. Seriously. 

Bottom line: I feel like I do a lot for our family throughout the year. I guess I feel a little unappreciated for those things, and I feel like birthdays/holidays are a good opportunity to say "Hey, I notice you. I think you're rad. Thanks for all you do." When I don't get that on minimum at least once a year, I feel deflated, unappreciated, and unnoticed. 

I feel like I'm rambling, and I apologize. I guess the greater problem, more than birthdays and holidays, is that I feel like my husband and I aren't appreciating each other in our marriage anymore. I feel like maybe we've burnt out a little - not on each other, but just on the effort it takes to really show love to one another. I need to be honest and say that I certainly am guilty of this as well. I don't do my part to do the little things that are important to him that say I love you.

Disclaimer: I love my husband. I'm committed to our marriage. I think we have a strong marriage, and just because I'm venting about this one little thing, it doesn't mean I don't love him or we are headed to divorce court. I feel the need to clarify that least someone take a normal marital bump & turn it into something more. 

What do you think? Have you experienced anything similar?

I absolutely can't go another day without some sort of picture, so check out this picture of my little man. He's become such a cheeser! This is the look he makes when he is being silly.

Happy Thursday!