It's tough to be a girl, part 2

So we've established that there are, in fact, times when it might possibly be preferable to be a boy. The daily monotony of applying makeup, drying, and styling your hair are not the only downsides to being a woman. There are a few more unique "situations" that woman are forced to endure that men are not.

#1 Shaving


I hate to shave. HATE IT. I hate every stinking thing about it. I hate that it is messy. I hate that my razors are so expensive. I hate that it takes so long. I hate that I frequently nick myself. I hate that I shave on Monday, and have stubble the next day.

(If you don't experience this, don't tell me. It will alter my perception of you. I'm insanely jealous of you freaks that can go a week without shaving.I am a gorilla. Two hours after shaving, I start to prickle.)

One of my primary problems with shaving is that I have crazy sensitive legs. I've tried dozens of different razors, dozens of shaving creams, dozens of after-shave lotions and no matter what I use, I get the same result: smooth legs on day one, and horrible razor burn and itching on day two. It takes 2-3 days to go away, so I'm stuck not shaving during that time.

Don't get me wrong - I love the look and feel of smooth legs. But why is it ok for men to rock insanely furry legs when women get flack about going two days without touching the razor? I dated someone in high school that was just freaked out by the merest hint of stubble on legs. It seriously grossed him out. Wonder of wonders, I didn't end up with that guy. I consider myself lucky that my husband really doesn't care. He doesn't love that sometimes in the dead of winter my legs can get seriously ape-like, but he just laughs and shrugs it off. Until a man is prepared to shave his legs in solidarity, I dare him to comment on the state of mine.


#2 Why did no one tell me we would grow hair THERE?

There should be manual handed to us when we are a pre-teen that prepares us for the various insane ways that our bodies will one day embarrass us. If it hasn't happened to you yet, ladies, it's coming. Unless you are one of the freaks I mentioned above, in which case, you alternately rock and suck.

One day you'll be doing something and will catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. What you'll see will horrify you: a moustache. Excessive peach fuzz on the sides of your face. Perhaps random hairs sprouting out of your chin. Maybe your nose hairs are peeking down out of your nose to say hello.

We've established that I am a gorilla, a lovely bonus of my genetics that I received from my father. My mother's wonderful gift to me was her dark hair, so not only do I have excessive hair, but I have dark excessive hair. THANKS, PARENTS. As a result, I've had a 'stache since I was a teen. My natural eyebrows take over half of my forehead. Don't believe me? There's proof.


I started off using Sally Hansen creme bleach in high school. Every two weeks, I'd lock myself in the bathroom to complete this embarrassing necessity. Poof! Moustache be gone! I eventually moved on to waxing. At this point I own my own wax pot. Let me tell you - the upper lip is one of the most painful places on the body to wax. It hurts BAD.

I felt the need to hide this from Jason when we were dating. But one random day, we were sitting on the couch, watching a movie, and he began to peer closely at my face. "What, dearest?" was my reply. He nonchalantly pointed at my upper lip - "you might want to take care of that the next time you shave your legs, babe."

There were two ways to handle that situation: 1) be embarrassed, angry, offended, or all of the above or 2) view it as an opportunity to get real and laugh it off. I chose option 2. Ladies, if you are still hiding your hair removal from your significant other, come out of the closet. It's very freeing. Trust me, he's noticed your 'stache (or whatever else). He's just more polite than my husband and he hasn't mentioned it.

#3 Your lady parts aren't meant to be bald.


I seriously do not get waxing the vagina area. I'll be up front and I'll say I've never tried it. But if waxing my upper lip sometimes causes me to cry, I can just imagine how much THAT would hurt. I once tried to wax my legs, and I walked around with wax and cloth strips suck to my leg for three hours before I gained the nerve to rip it off. Needless to say, only one strip of hair was removed that evening, and I haven't tried it since.

Not to mention I'm really not even comfortable with my husband staring at my lady bits, so I can't imagine spreading my legs for someone to stare AND wax.

In case you don't remember, this is episode of ANTM where the contestant told Tyra she was a waxer, and Tyra decided it would be appropriate to jump up on the judge's table and simulate a brazilian wax.

We've established that I hate to shave. I once decided to try Nair - notice I said once. I got distracted and left it on too long, and had such a terrible reaction that I couldn't wear underwear for a month. Y'all, I am not a girl who goes out without underwear. It was painful, in more ways that one.

So, in conclusion, I think it is safe to say that waxing will never happen for me. Unless the husband offers to wax his genitalia, in which case I'd be willing to give it a gander. Just to see how THAT turned out.

I like bullets, so let's summarize, shall we?

Perhaps it is better to be a boy:

• You don't have to wear makeup (but seriously, boys, concealer is not just for girls)
• It takes five seconds to fix your hair (unless you a one of those boys - the ones that blowdry and straighten. Seacrest, I'm talking about you.)
• You can pull on possibly dirty, wrinkly clothes and get away with the Abercrombie casual look (but you smell)
• No shaving your legs (but you will never know the bliss of sliding between clean sheets with smooth legs)
• Moustaches are acceptable (but only Magnum PI can really pull it off)
• No manscaping of the male parts is required (although I hear it does make things look bigger... cough cough)
• Your bathing suit does not require hair removal (can't find a downside to this one)
• Orgasms. Every single time. (I had to throw that in there.)

But us girls never have to experience the horror of:

• Having a dangly appendage that could embarrass you at any moment
• Back hair
• Ugly, gnarled toes (mine may be crooked but pink polish makes it all better!)
• Receding hairlines
• Male patterned baldness
• Chest hair
• What else? Leave me a comment and tell me your thoughts.

In conclusion - GIRLS RULE. BOYS DROOL.