Why romance novels and The Notebook have ruined my life

Yes, you read that right. I know this movie is ages old, but today I'm pondering the media and its darn influence on our lives. Why must the heroes in books in movies be so dashing and romantic? Let's face it, ladies, men in real life rarely stand up to such scrutiny.

I started reading romance novels when I was in the 6th grade. My reading comprehension was higher than my peers, and young adult novels just weren't cutting it. My mother was and is a voracious Harlequin reader, and I used to steal her books. Yep, steal, because what mother wants her 6th grader reading about throbbing members? Right.

Anyway, I'm convinced that this greatly influenced my romantic life. I was not the girl who flitted around from boy to boy, dating just to date. No, I was waiting for THE ONE. The one that took my breath away, that made my heart beat faster, the one that I would look at and just KNOW - you know, like in romance novels, when the hero and heroine look at each other and are instantly soul mates? Only there is some catastrophe they must solve before they can be together?

My first kiss was not the stuff romance novels are made of. In fact, it was disgusting. Gross. Too much slobber and darting tongues and... well, it was bad. I've pretty much blocked it out, and I've chosen to say that my first kiss (which was more like my 8th kiss) was with my first love, at night, in the church parking lot. It was raining and it was perfect - definitely a movie moment.

Well, not that much of a movie moment. But almost. And doesn't every girl want that moment? That "I'm so into you that I want to jump on you, wrap my legs around you, and kiss you passionately?" Don't you want the moment where you run through the airport, having realized HE IS THE ONE YOU LOVE, and jump in his arms, passionately kissing, while music swells around you?

Hmm, I guess a lot of my romantic fantasies center around jumping and kissing. Maybe that should be my motivation for losing weight - so that I can jump and kiss without breaking my husband's skinny body. I must ponder this...

How about this moment? Don't you want to be paddled around a beautiful swamp, while ducks swim around you?


Jason and I visited this swamp, Cypress Gardens, and attempted to recreate this moment. Only it isn't the same with no ducks, spider webs the size of beach towels, and alligators drifting by. AND my husband is not Ryan Gosling, bless his heart.

One day I will have my movie moment. And when that finally occurs, I will share it with you, my dear readers. Hopefully it won't occur when I have Alzheimer's and finally realize that darling old man is, in fact, my husband.